Sunday, March 31, 2013

When I Cannot Stand I'll Fall On You


"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are Easter people and hallelujah is our song." - Bl. John Paul II
Today is Easter! Praise God, we are just too blessed! 

I started off my Easter morning absolutely perfect! This past week was just rough. I hit some treacherous waters and was just feeling lost and hurt. I was really able to meet with Christ on calvary through my pain. Well this morning I woke up 4:30 to head home to make it in time for 8:30 mass with my family. So after much patience (or attempted patience) in scraping the ice off my car, filling up with gas, emptying trash, and straightening the apartment, I was finally on the road. 

For a two and a half hour drive, Jesus just took me with Him on a journey through thick and thin! That's how I felt anyway. I started off my drive with the usual music playing...KLove. That's right, I love listening to some uplifting Christian music. I always manage to hear the perfect songs or lyrics to just touch my heart. As I turned to the radio station, it wasn't coming in clear at all. It always comes in clear so I wasn't really sure what that was about. After messing with the silly radio tuning for a bit, it still wasn't coming in. So I turned down the volume and decided to have some good prayer time with Jesus. I went through a list of people I wanted to pray for, I thanked Him endlessly for all the blessings He's given me, and then before I knew it, I was in tears. 

The more I let my emotions take over, the more I though back to the song Blessings by Laura Story. Here's the chorus of her song:

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops, what if your healing comes through tears. What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

How incredibly beautiful, mysterious and true are her simple yet profound lyrics. And the more I thought on those lyrics, the more my tears of despair turned to tears of absolute abandonment. Jesus, the love of my life, died for me and rose again brining me new life in Him and through Him. And it is in Him and Him alone that I will be fulfilled. I cannot even explain the depth of what my prayers consisted of this morning, yet I felt moved to share a bit of what I experienced as well as share the lyrics that I found so rewarding as well as painful to reflect on. 


But that is not where my journey ended! Jesus always has a way of stretching me to my limits. He never, ever breaks me, but always stretches me. Oh, how I love His works. 
So getting back on track, after I finished a nice long prayer session with my Man, I turned on the radio and went back to KLove. Lo and behold, it was coming in perfectly clear! And of all the songs to be playing, I just had to smile as I heard the one song I've been listening to on repeat literally all week. Lord, I Need You by Chris Tomlin. There are a couple verses in this song I just want to share that always stand out to me. Ah...such a captivating song this one is. 

Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus You're my hope and stay

So, after much contemplation, thanksgiving, and prayer throughout the song, I spent the next hour or so just singing my heart out to the music and driving nice and slow as I was surrounded by fog. It was the kind of fog in which you literally just can't see anything ahead of you or beside you. Why is it even important that it was foggy? Well, let me tell you this. It wasn't until over halfway through the chaotic fog that it finally hit me.

God had been trying to tell me something the whole ride! And finally, after He just didn't give up on me, I realized it. 
As I stated earlier, the past week has just been tiresome and rough. I was focusing all my energy into things that seem so magnified in the here and now, yet in the big picture, aren't so. As I drove through the fog, I'm not quite sure how, but I connected it all. God was showing me that first, He wanted me to say "Yes," to Him once again in taking a step forward in seeing with the eyes of faith. And second, that although I cannot see the whole picture right now (take note of the how the fog was clouding my vision), God will give me clarity and a fuller vision when the timing is right. I just needed to be open to seeing the eyes of faith and trusting in His timing and Him alone.
Goodness gracious, He still leaves me in awe by the second. 
After a long, eventful ride home, I finally made it back just in time for mass. Mass was, of course, breathtaking. And even now as I still may turn to tears and I still might feel weak, I can think back on my very own new beginning that Jesus blessed me with on this Easter Sunday. 

So, my dear friends, I challenge you know to look at your own Easter Sunday today and see what it is that God is doing in your life today. What is it that He's showing you, asking of you, or simply telling you.
I hope my own little journey will touch at least once person. That is my hope. All glory be to God, now and forever. 
Happy Easter Sunday my friends! Feel God's abundant love being poured on you today! He's so in love with you! 

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