For those of you who don't know me all too well, I am someone who loves writing letters to my friends, or giving them random gifts. I am someone who wants to let those people in my life that have impacted me truly know what they mean to me. I so often worry that those people and my dearest friends don't understand the extent of what they mean to me. I mentioned in an earlier post, what if God takes them from my life before they know how much they mean to me? It's so true though. If I could, I would make a job out of letting people know how appreciated they are. Ha, ok so that might sound a little bit silly, but I'm being serious. I just want my friends and family to genuinely feel how much I care for them.
I have recently noticed that it is in this passion of mine, that Satan tears at my heart the most. He is able to take something so beautiful, and twist it. God has blessed me with a giving heart. I find so much more happiness in giving than receiving, which explains why I spend so much time giving of myself. But then the doubts fill my mind. Satan takes my relationships/friendships and just clutches my heart with such devious and painful plans. All the sudden I find myself feeling so...alone. And yet, I know that I'm not alone. Not one bit. But I find my mind wandering and wondering about my friends. What if some of my friendships are just one sided? What if I am able to get so much out of the relationship, yet my friends don't get anything out of it. I was told once that friendships need to be giving and receiving on both ends. So what if I am receiving endless gifts from my friends without them realizing it, but they are getting nothing from me. And when I talk about getting things in a relationship, I'm not meaning actual tangible gifts, but the gifts that come on a deeper level. The things that they teach you or challenge you with. Satan just plants these thoughts in my head that maybe I am more of a nuisance in some of my relationships. It's so exhausting and even more so frustrating. I just don't want to be that "needy" friend. And sometimes, I just can't tell whether in my relationships I'm viewed more as a casual friend, or an actual authentic sister in Christ that has worth and value in these relationships.
I realize this may all sound so...dramatic. And I'm not sharing this struggle in the hopes that people will pour their compliments on me as a friend. You see, I am sharing this simply because I need to, and maybe because some of you can relate to this. We all want to feel that worth in our human relationships. And I feel like sometimes, I tend to forget about the most important relationship - that of Christ. Our relationships with Christ are the only relationships what will not fail us. Jesus Christ will never fail you. So although I know that I will still feel...unappreciated at times, my dear sweet love Jesus is by my side fighting Satan off. Does Satan even stand a chance against our Lord and Savior? Never. Not even the tiniest chance.
I want to share this vision with you. I feel that everyone will be able to relate to this. So just allow Jesus to step in to your life and heal you of the hurting and fears. Whatever you may be struggling with right now personally, I want you to think about that struggle or temptation and all the hurt or confusion you may feel along with it.
Imagine now that you are trapped at the bottom of a deep, dark pit. Maybe that is how you're feeling right now. That whatever you may be facing has you trapped at the bottom of the hole. Feeling so lost, alone, and dark. As you try to find means to climb out, Satan comes. He begins taunting you with hurtful words, thoughts, and images. He doesn't let up. He is pushing at you, frightening you, and overwhelming you with his convincing lies. You are about to break and you don't know how much more you can take. You begin weeping and ever so lightly crying out to God. You open your eyes and see a bit of light near the top of the pit. As you strain to see what the light is, you see one of the most important people in your life peering over the top of the hole. Maybe it's your mom or dad, sister or brother. Whoever it might be, they give you the tiniest bit of hope against Satan. But Satan comes back stronger than before and he keeps taunting you. You find the bit of strength to look up toward the top of the pit again, and another light appears. This time its one of your dearest and closest friends. The more you look toward the top of the pit, the more lights appear and the less deep the pit becomes. And with each light is another significant person in your life. Each friend and family member that appears looks upon lovingly. They smile down at you and even though no words are said, you know they love you. The more friends and family and lights that appear, the weaker Satan becomes. You can tell he is beginning to get overwhelmed. You, on the other hand, are finding more and more strength with each person that appears. You are closer to the top of the pit than ever before and finally, you call out whole heartedly to Jesus, asking for His help. The very instant that you call for His help, a huge beautiful light appears, and Satan vanishes into thin air. Jesus reaches down, pulls you out of the pit, and embraces you in the biggest hug you could ever imagine. You begin crying, and look up into Jesus' face. Imagine the most amazing and powerful and loving smile you have ever seen. That is how Jesus is looking at you at this very instant. He is pulling out of the despair. And He is loving you ever more. Allow Him to love you, hold you, and never let you go.
